So after a months of doing nothing, I only gained 0.7 lbs last week, but in a week of putting a concerted effort into eating better, tracking both points and calories, and working out, I gained 0.3 more lbs. It’s funny how this all works out.
No, actually, it’s not funny, it’s very frustrating. I feel like back in 2012, when I initially lost all that weight, this was a lot easier. I didn’t stall out around 165 lbs. Nope, I took a fairly straight downward path once I committed, and I was NEVER perfect, and the only frustration I recall is with the last 10 lbs. Now, it is much more difficult staying committed, and I often feel disappointed even when I try.
It makes me feel like what I am doing isn’t good enough. It makes me feel like I should be eating baked chicken and steamed veggies for every meal every day, never ever having a splurge ever, and working out at least four hours a day every day in place of any relaxation or social events. Knowing that will never happen, I feel defeated, like I am never going to get this weight off again. And I’m doing Jillian Michaels for god’s sake! She’s no joke! And I’m sore! I’m clearly not doing enough though. Perhaps I should be doing at least two DVDs and running 10 miles on top of it every single day! UUuuuuaaaarrrrrggggggggggggggghhhhh!!!!
So that’s mentally how I feel. I know it’s not realistic. I cannot let that stupid number on the scale get me down. Bottom line is that even if that number never moves, if I keep doing what I did this week, 1) I will be healthier, 2) I will be stronger, and 3) I am still worthy of love… all while allowing myself to enjoy some splurges and rest days. Those facts are easily pushed to the back of my brain when I see my fat roll hanging over my pants or think about going out in public in a bathing suit. Vanity has some pretty strong powers, doesn’t it? It’s time to work on my thinking, and keep on keepin’ on!
Height: 5′ 4″
Highest Weight: 201.1 lbs (6/1/2011)
Current Weight: 165.0 lbs
Change Since Last Weigh In: +0.3 lbs
Total Lost This Year: -8.0 lbs (since 3/23/2015)
All Time Total Lost: -36.1 lbs (since 6/1/2011)
(you can see my entire weight loss log here.)