“At times like this, continuing with one’s life seems impossible, and eating the entire contents of one’s fridge seems inevitable.” ~ Bridget Jones
That’s EXACTLY how I felt. Fortunately for Bridge, she only had one moldy piece of cheese in her refrigerator…
I, on the other hand, seem to always have plenty of food in my fridge, freezer, and pantry. Yes, mostly healthy options, but I have this horribly amazing gift of turning any healthy kitchen into a gluttonous feast. If not, there’s always delivery. And either way, I still have the ability to eat inordinate amounts of food.
And then there’s this…
“I will not be defeated by a bad man and an American stick insect! Instead, I choose vodka. And Chaka Khan.” ~ Bridget Jones
Ok, so no, he didn’t cheat on me like that bastard Daniel did on poor Bridget. Here’s my story… the short(er) version. The second week of 2014, my boyfriend of almost a year broke up with me. We had been friends for 8 years before that, and I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. He told me that he takes me for granted, that he’s has a “thing” with commitment, that he’s bad at being in a relationships, that he was too effed up for me, and that I deserve better. He also said that he has always loved me, but he doesn’t think he’s capable of loving me as anything more than a friend. I don’t know about you, but after loving someone so intimately, I cannot go back to just being friends. I cannot see him with other women. I cannot have a constant reminder of the man who didn’t love me enough. He doesn’t get that privilege anymore.
I never cried so hard in my life that night. You know, those hysterical movie cries. As soon as I got home, I collapsed to the ground just inside my front door and just felt like I was dying inside. Like in that heart-wrenching scene in Steel Magnolias, when M’Lynn screams, “Oh god, I wanna know whhhy??!?! Whhhhyyyy?!?!?”
Ok, except, she was crying about her daughter dying. Of course my situation is not that bad, but the truth of the matter is that breaking up is a lot like mourning a death. I had just lost the love of my life and a dear loyal friend.
To top it all off, Weight Watchers magazine was going to run a story about how losing my first 40 lbs gave me confidence to do online dating, and it included how I met my now ex-boyfriend and the things we have in common, like running 5K’s, that we didn’t have before I got healthy. Not to mention, I had gained 20 lbs since they interviewed me. I had to ask them to pull the piece. I’m pretty sure they would have pulled it anyway due to my weight gain.
So this is how I felt…. I’ve failed to live up to what was going to be another kudo in my life, being in a magazine. I’ve failed at maintaining my weight loss. I’ve failed at my relationship.
And here I am 7 weeks later. I still miss him. I still cry here and there. I guess that just proves that I really did love him. I have to say, it does get easier every day. But I will not call him, or text him, or beg for him to come back to me. I’m too proud for that! And life does go on!
So during a majority of the past 7 weeks I turned to food and alcohol and sulking and crying on my couch. Clearly, this did NOT help me in my already struggling battle getting back to goal. But can you blame me? I know. I could have handled it differently. But let’s all say it together… I’M NOT PERFECT. On the other hand, I did have 3 kick-butt weeks! Unfortunately, the other 4 weeks put on more pounds than I lost on those weeks.
But being single again gives me a lot of free time… to think…
Looking back on this relationship, maybe part of the reason I started gaining weight was because I really wasn’t happy…
…and I have the power back to focus on getting healthy again! I now have more time to work out! I have total control over my social plans! I am making all the food again!
And I know in the past, break-ups have pushed me to lose weight. There’s that whole “I’ll show him” thing going on! If I just happen to run into him again, and he sees how amazing I look, he’ll be sorry! Not to mention, I’m back in the game, kids! I gotta look my best to catch one of those beasts!
So back to the question at hand. Is a break up good for weight loss? I guess I can only speak for myself. And my answer is yes and no. At first, no. I would not blame anyone who ate the whole contents of their refrigerator before pulling themselves out of the heinous pain of heartbreak. And really, it amazes me how badly that hurts! But in the long run, yes. I’ve finally pulled myself up enough out of the emotional pit to push back and say, this will not be the end of me! It has now provided a little extra motivation to keep me on track. I’m telling you, last week, I really had that click I was looking for… that “I can do this and will do this” moment! And ultimately, if it really was my unhappiness that I couldn’t really see in my relationship that was causing some weight gain, well then, heck yeah, this break up is exactly what I needed!
As my girl Kelly Clarkson says (yeah, I said that like we are friends! LOL), in one of my favorite running songs, Stronger:
“Thanks to you I’m finally thinkin’ ’bout me
You know in the end the day you left was just my beginning”
So what do you think about break-ups and weight loss? Do you have any personal experiences to share?