Weekly Weigh In: Do I Get a Second Aha Moment?

Again, this is hardly a weekly update. You may have been wondering where I’ve been lately. I haven’t posted since December. And I have barely been on twitter. Well, I have been sticking my head in the sand for the most part. And crying. Lots of crying. Oh and eating. Lots and lots of eating.

If you’ve been around for a while, you know that I have struggled with maintenance. Back in June 2013, I pondered whether I would gain it all back again. See that chart down there? That’s where I am on my journey.

June 1, 2011 - February 19, 2014 Weight Chart

So, no I haven’t gained it all back, but I realized today that if I gain just 4 more pounds, I will have gained half of what I lost back. That makes me cringe. I worked so hard to get where I was! What happened?

#1: Maintenance is freaking hard. I think it’s harder than losing it to begin with. There are no more goals to reach. Eventually, no one cares anymore about how much weight you lost. You have no more “cheerleaders” for every success. And I think after spending a year and 1/2 focusing on every thing I put in my mouth and every step I took, I was sick of it and wanted a break. And now I feel like such a failure because I’m not maintaining anymore, so I give up more often than not. Apparently, my brain is just not wired properly to do the obvious of getting back on track!

#2: I got into a relationship. That changed my eating and working out habits. I was more social, had less control over what I was eating, and had less time to work out. Not to mention we had issues along the way. And looking back I was more unhappy than I thought. So add in some emotional eating and drinking.

#3: Unexplained health issues. Weird stuff was happening with my body about the middle of last year. None of which has ever really been fully explained. But I was put on and taken off medications. One that I was put on had a possible side effect of weight gain as well. And not knowing what was going on with my body… yep, you got it… more emotional eating.

#4: My hypothyroidism is out of whack. I have low thyroid, but I take medication for it. In November, I found out that my thyroid hormone was suddenly very low. Ummm, no wonder I was gaining weight, didn’t have the energy to work out, and was depressed. Yes, those are all side effects of low thyroid. And it can take a while to readjust the medication. I just went back to my endocrinologist today because I am still not feeling right and my numbers are not where we would like them to be. Still waiting to feel normal.

#5: My relationship ended. Even though we had issues, I was absolutely in love with him and thought we would get married some day. After almost a year of dating and 8 more years of friendship, he took me completely off guard and ended it in January. I was D-E-V-I-S-T-A-T-E-D. Bring on even more emotional eating and extra drinking! And to be honest, I am still dealing with the heartache.

#6: Financial stress. Soon after my relationship ended, I ran into financial difficulty that may result in foreclosing on my house. I don’t want to get into the details, and we all know that money problems are stressful enough. But I just lost the love of my life. Now I might lose my home. Really? Let me just dive into an entire cake and a magnum of wine!

So yes, clearly, I really have almost every excuse in the book. It feels like the hits just keep on coming. But life is hard, and I can’t let this continue to affect my health and happiness. People with worse problems are managing to maintain their weight. No matter how many things are wrong, I do have a part in this, and I just might have to be stronger this time around.

And I think I may finally be back at my breaking point. I may just be having my second aha moment. Are you allowed to do that? LOL

After my doctor reminded me that I had worked so hard to lose weight and that I had gained a significant amount back and was no longer in a healthy weight range. After I got on the scale this morning to see that I am almost in the 160’s. After I attempted to shove myself into several pairs of pants for the millionth time that I can’t even zip up anymore. And after realizing that I have almost gained back half of what I originally lost…

In the immortal words of my heroine, Bridget Jones:

“And that was it. Right there. Right there, that was the moment. I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I’d finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later half-eaten by wild dogs.”

And I know I am not the only one who is struggling. My inspiration and virtual friend, Suzi just did a great guest post over on another inspiration and virtual friend, Dani’s blog about losing and then gaining it back, entitled Never Say Never. I’m with you girl. I am with you! I find strength in every one who has succeeded or keeps trying to win this battle because you know first hand just how hard it is.

So today’s the day!!! I so hope!!! *fingers crossed*

I hope to keep up my Weekly Weigh In posts to keep me accountable. And I hope to be more interactive with you all, my “virtual Weight Watchers meeting!” (Speaking of! Dani (@IrishEyes1982) is hosting the weekly #WWChat twitter chat TONIGHT 8-9pm ET!)

I already signed up for eHarmony.com (with a coupon, before I had financial woes!) and PlentyofFish.com (it’s free!) to get back out there dating, so I can get over that damn ex-boyfriend and have motivation to lose weight!

I start training on Sunday for my first ever 8K, after not running for months, meaning I HAVE to train! I’ve started going to dance classes, thanks to a gift from my mom! I’ve got my ActiveLink on. I cleaned out my spare room so I have no excuse not to get on my treadmill when all else fails. And I’m tracking my food!

Here’s what I have to keep telling myself. I did this once before. I can do this again. It just may be harder this time, but who ever said life was easy?

So, how is everyone else’s journey going?

Weigh In Status: 34.1 lbs up from goal (you can see my entire weight loss log here)

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  1. marjorie, 19 February, 2014

    You can do it! I am just learning so much by listening to all my WW buddies that getting to goal is not the end. It is just the beginning. You have had a tough year, girl! I hope you get the thyroid issue figured out. As for the broken heart, I am so sorry! Good for you for getting back out there. See you tonight at WWchat! XO
    marjorie recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday 20 – On Weight Watchers Simply FillingMy Profile

  2. DivaonaDiet, 19 February, 2014

    Hi Marjorie! It’s so true. It’s like you’re suddenly where you’ve been dying to be, and you don’t know how accept it almost! And it’s like all my other demons came out because I wasn’t hiding behind my “fat self” anymore. It’s strange. But there are some that don’t struggle with maintaining at all, so I know it’s possible! It has been a tough year, and thank you so much for your support!!! I need my WW buds too!!! See you tonight!

  3. Susan, 19 February, 2014

    How do I get on the virtual meeting this evening? Thank you the honesty! I stayed at goal for 6 years and I have gained all of my 40+ lbs!

  4. Rachel, 19 February, 2014

    I weighed myself today 251.2 lbs. I am just starting back on weight watchers. I lost 35 lbs and gained it all back and more. My goal weight would be around 140 lbs. I am 52 single and no kids and I am unemployed. I do have my house by the sea and my dog. My weight is ruining my life. I can barely move. I want to garden my whole property but I can barely get up and down the stairs. I need my life back. I start tracking tomorrow. One thing I know is that whatever you believe you are right as our thoughts are energy and they attract what you think about. I am going to imagine wonderful. I dare you to imagine wonderful and believe it will happen and accept it.

  5. DivaonaDiet, 19 February, 2014

    Susan, are you on Twitter? Have you ever done a twitter chat? Every Wednesday night log into twitter and follow the hashtag #wwchat. Or I log into TwitterChat.com and follow the hashtag there. Here is an article about How to Participate in a Tweet Chat Dani will ask us questions, and you respond using the hashtag. If you are on facebook, here’s the event page… this is a great way to get a facebook reminder about it! And really I consider twitter in general my virtual meeting that I can get on and ask questions 24 hours a day! There are a ton of weight watchers followers on twitter, and you can get support at any time! You can use the hashtag at anytime to get support too!

    Trust that I know how you feel about gaining the weight. I wish you the best of luck in your journey!

  6. DivaonaDiet, 19 February, 2014

    Rachel, I know this weight thing is such a struggle. I am so proud of you that you are going to start tracking tomorrow. I think it would be a thrill for you to finally be able to do that gardening. Just know it’s a long process, and really, a lifetime journey, but so worth it. I wish you so much success on your journey!

    You are right, visual imagery and positive thinking have a huge effect on the body and mind. I have an sheet of paper on my refrigerator with positive thoughts on them, but you know what? I’ve gotten so used to it being there, that I haven’t read them in a long time! I’m going to have to make that a habit again! And I am thinking positive for the both of us!

  7. Susan, 19 February, 2014

    Thank you!!

  8. Kim, 19 February, 2014

    I can relate to this post!! I went back to WW last night after trying to do it on my own. I maintained an almost 60 lb loss for about a year. This past year I have slowly started to gain it back. Uggh! I am now 32 lbs above goal. Maintenance is VERY hard. My sister has been at goal now for 3 years and I’m so jealous. I think what I have to get out of my head is the “being on program” and “not being on program”. Because this is really a lifelong change right? Not just something we do to lose the weight. What happened to me (among many other things, family stress, work stress….etc) was that once I was a few lbs over I was too stubborn to go weigh in and pay! How dumb is that?? But I would tell myself “I will just lose these few lbs then I’ll go back to WW”. Well I guess we know how that worked for me! We can do it girl, we just have to want it bad enough and dig deep! And I have to get brave enough to go to a Wednesday night Twitter chat. I’m shy :-)

  9. Susan, 19 February, 2014

    Alexis,

    Thank you for educating me on twitter chat! It was very informative.. I went through your blog and I must say that you were a beautiful girl even at your heaviest! I’m excited to get back to goal with you!

  10. DivaonaDiet, 19 February, 2014

    Hi Kim! I hate to say glad you can relate because I wouldn’t wish weight gain on anyone!!!, but it’s nice for me to know that I’m not alone! Yes, it is absolutely a lifestyle change… for life! And I had that in my head, but it started to fade. But I think I am turning a corner now, and getting back to that. I have to remember it still doesn’t mean I have to be perfect! Ha, I can totally understand not wanting to go back until you lose the weight. I would do that. But since I do it online, I have no excuse but my own self not wanting to do it! Amazingly, I still make sure I weigh in every week at home and record it. I suppose that some how keeps me more in line and maybe I haven’t gained as much as I could have! But we have done it before, so we can do it again! Good luck with your journey! And you should totally check out the twitter chat. You don’t even have to say anything. You can just read what other people write and get ideas and support from it! And everyone is so loving and supportive! Hope to “see” you there someday!

  11. DivaonaDiet, 19 February, 2014

    You are very welcome! I am happy to help! And thank you so much for your kind comments! Yes, I am excited to be on this journey with you! We will do it!!! :)

  12. thyroid geek, 19 February, 2014

    Are you having Hashimoto’s?

  13. DivaonaDiet, 26 February, 2014

    No, it’s not that severe. It’s just gotten pretty low, but it’s leveling out again. Hopefully it will help!

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