Again, this is hardly a weekly update. You may have been wondering where I’ve been lately. I haven’t posted since December. And I have barely been on twitter. Well, I have been sticking my head in the sand for the most part. And crying. Lots of crying. Oh and eating. Lots and lots of eating.
If you’ve been around for a while, you know that I have struggled with maintenance. Back in June 2013, I pondered whether I would gain it all back again. See that chart down there? That’s where I am on my journey.
So, no I haven’t gained it all back, but I realized today that if I gain just 4 more pounds, I will have gained half of what I lost back. That makes me cringe. I worked so hard to get where I was! What happened?
#1: Maintenance is freaking hard. I think it’s harder than losing it to begin with. There are no more goals to reach. Eventually, no one cares anymore about how much weight you lost. You have no more “cheerleaders” for every success. And I think after spending a year and 1/2 focusing on every thing I put in my mouth and every step I took, I was sick of it and wanted a break. And now I feel like such a failure because I’m not maintaining anymore, so I give up more often than not. Apparently, my brain is just not wired properly to do the obvious of getting back on track!
#2: I got into a relationship. That changed my eating and working out habits. I was more social, had less control over what I was eating, and had less time to work out. Not to mention we had issues along the way. And looking back I was more unhappy than I thought. So add in some emotional eating and drinking.
#3: Unexplained health issues. Weird stuff was happening with my body about the middle of last year. None of which has ever really been fully explained. But I was put on and taken off medications. One that I was put on had a possible side effect of weight gain as well. And not knowing what was going on with my body… yep, you got it… more emotional eating.
#4: My hypothyroidism is out of whack. I have low thyroid, but I take medication for it. In November, I found out that my thyroid hormone was suddenly very low. Ummm, no wonder I was gaining weight, didn’t have the energy to work out, and was depressed. Yes, those are all side effects of low thyroid. And it can take a while to readjust the medication. I just went back to my endocrinologist today because I am still not feeling right and my numbers are not where we would like them to be. Still waiting to feel normal.
#5: My relationship ended. Even though we had issues, I was absolutely in love with him and thought we would get married some day. After almost a year of dating and 8 more years of friendship, he took me completely off guard and ended it in January. I was D-E-V-I-S-T-A-T-E-D. Bring on even more emotional eating and extra drinking! And to be honest, I am still dealing with the heartache.
#6: Financial stress. Soon after my relationship ended, I ran into financial difficulty that may result in foreclosing on my house. I don’t want to get into the details, and we all know that money problems are stressful enough. But I just lost the love of my life. Now I might lose my home. Really? Let me just dive into an entire cake and a magnum of wine!
So yes, clearly, I really have almost every excuse in the book. It feels like the hits just keep on coming. But life is hard, and I can’t let this continue to affect my health and happiness. People with worse problems are managing to maintain their weight. No matter how many things are wrong, I do have a part in this, and I just might have to be stronger this time around.
And I think I may finally be back at my breaking point. I may just be having my second aha moment. Are you allowed to do that? LOL
After my doctor reminded me that I had worked so hard to lose weight and that I had gained a significant amount back and was no longer in a healthy weight range. After I got on the scale this morning to see that I am almost in the 160’s. After I attempted to shove myself into several pairs of pants for the millionth time that I can’t even zip up anymore. And after realizing that I have almost gained back half of what I originally lost…
In the immortal words of my heroine, Bridget Jones:
“And that was it. Right there. Right there, that was the moment. I suddenly realized that unless something changed soon, I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I’d finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later half-eaten by wild dogs.”
And I know I am not the only one who is struggling. My inspiration and virtual friend, Suzi just did a great guest post over on another inspiration and virtual friend, Dani’s blog about losing and then gaining it back, entitled Never Say Never. I’m with you girl. I am with you! I find strength in every one who has succeeded or keeps trying to win this battle because you know first hand just how hard it is.
So today’s the day!!! I so hope!!! *fingers crossed*
I hope to keep up my Weekly Weigh In posts to keep me accountable. And I hope to be more interactive with you all, my “virtual Weight Watchers meeting!” (Speaking of! Dani (@IrishEyes1982) is hosting the weekly #WWChat twitter chat TONIGHT 8-9pm ET!)
I already signed up for eHarmony.com (with a coupon, before I had financial woes!) and PlentyofFish.com (it’s free!) to get back out there dating, so I can get over that damn ex-boyfriend and have motivation to lose weight!
I start training on Sunday for my first ever 8K, after not running for months, meaning I HAVE to train! I’ve started going to dance classes, thanks to a gift from my mom! I’ve got my ActiveLink on. I cleaned out my spare room so I have no excuse not to get on my treadmill when all else fails. And I’m tracking my food!
Here’s what I have to keep telling myself. I did this once before. I can do this again. It just may be harder this time, but who ever said life was easy?
So, how is everyone else’s journey going?
Weigh In Status: 34.1 lbs up from goal (you can see my entire weight loss log here)