So what does one do the night before her weigh-in? Well this one apparently decides to pig out! Yep, all that talk about how I am back in the game last week and even the week before has amounted to very little, as my willpower, my motivation, my confidence, and my conviction continue to wain.
So I’m scared. I saw this coming. Go back and look at my progress posts. Read about how I’ve been slacking off since about March, and although I didn’t see the pounds come on back then, I knew they would eventually. I am back to being that fat girl with every excuse in the book.
You may be thinking to yourself, “oh girl, you’re still in a healthy weight range, don’t sweat it!” True I am, but I’m not healthy. I’m not eating eating enough good foods. I’m barely working out. My body fat percentage is no longer in the healthy range. My blood pressure has gone back up. I’d bet money that my cholesterol is high again too, and I’m really not a gambler!
Yet I continue to screw up more often than not. Even though with every pound I gain, I lose a pound of confidence and pride. Even though I hate myself when I look at my body in the mirror or put on clothes that are now too tight. Even though I feel like a failure knowing I am no longer close to goal. I continue to let myself down. Why? For me and all the other people out there who fall off the weight loss wagon or never get on it. Why do we do this?
I guess it doesn’t really matter why. I guess I really just need to accept that it does happen! Whether I like it or not, that fat girl is there and pissed, and she is never really going to go away! I have to conjure up that confidence, that motivation, that conviction, and that willpower that got me to goal in the first place. I know for a fact that is in there somewhere. I can’t imagine that once you find it, you can just completely lose it. But right now that fat girl is doing a really good job of hiding those things from me!
It’s true that Weight Watchers worked for me because I didn’t have to be perfect. And I still don’t think I have to be perfect! My problem right now is that the ratio of messing up to being good is way out of whack!
So, I’m still scared, but all I can do is keep trying! My running mantra is: “Just keep going. Eventually you’ll get there.” I just realized it applies to this battle to be healthy and maintain my weight loss too. Feel free to use it too! 😉 So how was everyone else’s week?
I’m actually off to a good start as I MADE myself run when I so didn’t want to after a long day at work! And I am headed over to twitter in about 30 minutes to join my friend Dani (@IrishEyes1982), who is hosting the first weekly Weight Watchers twitter chat TONIGHT Wednesday, October 16, 2013 from 8-9pm ET #WWChat! I’ll there getting the support I need! I hope you’ll join us!
Weigh In Status: 17.2 lbs up from goal (you can see my entire weight loss log here)