Oh, holy Jesus… as Bridget Jones would say. Ok, so she said it because she showed up at the supposed “Tarts and Vicars” party in a bunny costume when it had been cancelled. I say it because I am about to start having to wear potato sacks! The clothes that were hanging off of me are now tight and uncomfortable, and I gave away all my “fat” clothes!
So, it’s time to come back. Or really, it’s time to make a COMEBACK!
I haven’t seen the 140’s for the entirety of 2013. In fact, the last time I saw the 140’s was over a year ago in June 2012. And there it was staring me in the face last week, and then I proceeded to gain even more this week! I had gotten back down to within 2 lbs of my goal 8 weeks ago, and since then, I have gained 16.1 lbs… an average of 2 lbs a week! Just in the last month, I have averaged a 3.2 lb gain per week! I am a solid 18 lbs up from goal. My body fat percentage has skyrocketed into the 30% range, when it was in the mid-20%’s. I am a mere 4 lbs from being outside of my healthy weight range. What have I done?!?
This is what I did… I stopped working out completely. (Ok, I did one 5K, but it was miserable!) I have been sitting my lazy butt on the couch for weeks eating enormous amount of food and booze, of the worst things I could find… things I used to pig out on before like Chinese food, pizza, fast food, burgers, pasta with butter. I was trying to get it all in before I had to be good again.
Did I really think I was going to get away with this? No. Was it worth it? Well, I’ll tell ya, I’m damn pissed that I have buckle down and relearn my old eating and working out habits. Even though I am not that 200lb fat girl when I look in the mirror, I am in my mind. I feel that way, and I am acting that way. I have to find that skinny in control girl that I thought I had become. I know she’s in there somewhere! I don’t think it’s gonna be easy. But I’ve never said that I thought things were going to be any easier just because I hit goal.
And that’s another thing. My anniversary of reaching goal weight is about 6 weeks away. I’d have to lose 3 lbs each week to get back to goal by then! That makes me sad. I could push for it, but I know that slow and steady (and healthy) does win the race!
Now, let me take a step back, forgive myself, and look at the whole picture…
- People probably aren’t looking at me and thinking, “Man, is she fat!” (On a side note, I keep saying I feel so fat, which makes me laugh. Really, Alexis? So how did it feel to be over 200 pounds? It’s weird because I don’t really seem to remember it anymore! No wait. Really, I remember it feeling just as uncomfortable as I do now. I guess it’s all relative!)
- I am still in a healthy weight range, regardless of how close I am to being out of it.
- I haven’t gained it all back.
- I’ve done it once before, I can do it again.
- I didn’t have to be perfect the first time, and I don’t have to be this time either.
So here I am. I am back! Hoping that this is just one more tool to get me back on track! I miss you guys too! Hoping to have some time to catch up with everyone! How have your journey’s been going?