Weekly Weigh In: Will I Gain It All Back Again?

Alexis {Diva on a Diet}'s Official Weight Watchers Weigh In June 5, 2013Is this really happening? Am I on the road to gaining it all back again or is this just another really long bump in the road on my journey? I’m 13.3 lbs up from goal now. I haven’t weighed over 138 lbs since June 27, 2012. One would think I would be upset, and normally I would be bitching up a storm.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not happy about this at all really, but I am strangely positive about the situation. Why?

#1: Because I am still in a healthy weight range, so it is not the end of the world.
#2: Because I have never been perfect, and I never will be, and these things will likely continue to happen, and I have to accept that.
#3: Because it’s a chance for me to learn and grow (hopefully smaller! LOL).
#4: Because I have proven to myself that I am strong and resilient, and therefore I have to stay positive and believe that I am not going to gain it all back.

So in order to learn from this, I’ve had to think about what’s really happening…

Changing Life Focus
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I was so focused for so many months on losing this weight, that I think I needed a break from that focus. My focus shifted to my job, my friends, going on vacations, and being more social. Those things continue to take priority, but obviously the focus has shifted too far. I’m falling into old habits, and I need to learn to balance it because friends, career and vacations are an important part of life too!

Dating/Relationships
Along those same lines, I started dating “the boy” in mid-February, making me even more social, and of course I am eating more things that are out of my control. I’ll be honest, I think a key to my successful weight loss was that I was single. I measured and weighed everything I made, I didn’t eat out that often, and I didn’t have someone else tempting me with what they wanted to eat or having to take into consideration anyone else’s food likes or dislikes. The good thing is that “the boy” actually eats healthy most of the time, eats way less than me, and works out more than me. He is completely supportive of my wanting to eat healthy and workout, but he doesn’t quite get the problems I have. He likes to work out, and I don’t. He doesn’t like rich, buttery, creamy (you get the picture!) foods or overeat, and I do. He’s never been obese, and I have. I’ve had a fear that maintenance would become more difficult once I got in a relationship. Not to mention, I haven’t really dated much in 7 years, so I am no good at it, I take everything to heart, and sometimes find myself with my old fat girl self-esteem, which has led to several emotional eating and drinking crises along the way! But I’m healthy and beautiful, and I want to share my life with someone, so I have to learn to balance it as well.

Work Out Routine
So all that being said,  I have not been working out as much as I should for several months now. Luckily “the boy” is active and we go to festivals and finally ran a 5k, but it seems that I spend the rest of the week on a downhill slope of not wanting to do anything. I can sit around and do nothing all day still, but I do hate myself for being less active, and I think my body hurts more when I’m not! I am just going to have to work on that balance and fit it back into my schedule. I want to run more routinely, so I am thinking about aiming for 3 times a week, whatever mileage I can get in. And I felt I needed a change up and wanted to include more strength training, so as I mentioned before, I still intend to challenge myself to 6 days a week for 4 weeks of Jillian Michaels Ripped in 30. Hopefully that will happen after my two weekend vacays this month! I also don’t want to push myself too hard and overdo anything and get injured or frustrated! I have to remember I’m not gonna be perfect either!

Tracking and Eating Plan
And also, I have hardly tracked any food for several months now. I’m out of a routine. But maybe this is where I am stuck in a rut. Maybe this is where I need to change my plan up. Maybe I need to not do Weight Watchers for a while? Gasp! I know. Sounds weird to say that because I believe in it so much. But maybe I need to switch it up and do a different plan like Clean Eating, Paleo (because that’s mostly what “the boy” does)… is that Whole30?, Low Carb (which I used to do and my parents still do), or meal delivery (so I don’t have to think about what to make!). Even so, I can’t do these programs hardcore 7 days a week. I will have cheat days, just like I do now (except in Weight Watchers it’s not called cheating, it’s called using your weekly points!) I know you can work these into Weight Watchers, but maybe I am just sick of tracking points! I haven’t made up my mind yet. And I did start tracking my food already this week. It quite honestly just may be that I have to track my food in order to stay on top of this no matter what my eating lifestyle is, and I just have to accept that and make it habit again.

Maintainable Goal Weight?
Maybe maintaining a goal weight of 125 lbs is unrealistic for me? Maybe if I didn’t like to eat out, drink wine/beer/cocktails, and going out in general? Maybe if I loved working out and wanted to be in the gym 2 hours a day to make up for it? Maybe if I was hardcore dedicated to eating right all the time and actually focused on looking like Jillian Michaels? But that’s clearly not who I am. And I know that my genes play a part in this too. I do often have unrealistic expectations that I could look like all those skinny girls in bikinis in the magazines. Well, I suppose I could. Again, if I was that determined. It appears I’m not! And that’s not what is important. What’s important is my health and being in a healthy weight range. But it’s always an internal mental struggle for me to not want to look better naked. I am a girl after all!

Medication Side Effects
Lastly, I did have to go back on my blood pressure medication, specifically beta blockers, three months ago. I was actually crushed because I felt like I had worked so hard, yet I was still “unhealthy.” My doctor did warn me that it may not just be my weight, but that it’s just the way my body is. She also told me that losing the weight definitely did help lower it, and let’s face it, losing the weight was necessary to keep my heart healthy. I still hate that I have to take it. On the plus side, it controls my anxiety and keeps me from getting super red and blotchy when I get nervous. On the down side, it makes me kinda tired, and I am struggling with getting enough sleep and not having the energy to workout as much as I should while keeping up with my social life. I have to take the medication, so I have to work on making sure I am getting sleep, yet pressing through being tired when I need to workout. In fact, I may have more energy if I am more consistent with it!

 

Now one would think that after reflecting on all this and gaining this weight back that I would go balls to the wall tracking everything, eating perfectly healthy, cutting out all alcohol and sugar and fat and carbs, and working out 7 days a week, right? Well, true to form, I still haven’t become perfect. I have happy hour tonight. I have a beer festival on Saturday. So having a perfect week is not gonna happen. I’ll try to track everything, and try my best to eat healthy most of the week, but I don’t want to put my life on hold anymore for the sole purpose of losing weight. I have missed out on so much in life for so many years when I was fat and unhealthy, I don’t want to do that now!

So what do you think? Do I change my goal weight? Do I stop focusing on the scale? Do I need to drop everything and go hardcore? Do I need to change up my eating plan?

Weight: 138.3 lbs
Change this week: +4.4 lbs
Total lost: -62.8 lbs
You can also check out my entire weight log here 😉

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  1. Jill (Lady Lazarus), 05 June, 2013

    I’ve been stress eating since January: Within a month I was hit by BIG work change, a breakup, and reaching my goal. I lasted on maintenance for a month before it all went to hell and I’m now 20 lbs over. Once I realized I managed to eat my way (literally) through spring I knew it was time to really buckle down (instead of just saying I’m buckling down and only giving it a half-assed attempt). The fact that I’m still working out is the only thing keeping me from being back in the 200s.

    Monday was the worst, most stressful day I have had in months and I *didn’t* turn to food. That was a huge turning point for me in this.
    Jill (Lady Lazarus) recently posted..why i run: celebrating national running dayMy Profile

  2. DivaonaDiet, 05 June, 2013

    So you are definitely feeling my pain. Not that I’m happy that you are having a hard time, but it is comforting to know that I am not crazy for being in this position right now. So glad that you were able to not turn to food on Monday!!! Tiny victories, right?! I think these things will happen from time to time, and we will gain weight back, but it makes me feel like such a failure sometimes. I’ve got to try to wrap my brain around the fact that I will be strong enough to make this just a temporary situation… to forgive myself, and try again, and eventually I’ll get there. Let’s hang in there together, girl!!! We are strong!!!

  3. BeagleMom, 05 June, 2013

    I feel your pain. I have been trying to just my darn 5% since September (playing w/the same 2 lbs, at least I have lost 9 and not gained 9 more). Got w/in 5lbs of goal the LAST time I was on WW (Momentum plan) and got sidetracked and here I am back with 40 to go AGAIN. Your success story could just be changed w/my name on it (if I ever get there)….have you ever tried the Gympact app for a smart phone? It really motivates me to get to the gym when I really don’t feel like going. I think it works with runkeeper too. Chin up!! This too shall pass (I need to heed my own advice).

  4. DivaonaDiet, 05 June, 2013

    Trust that if I can get there, you will get there! I struggled a lot at the beginning too. And it is amazing how many people have told me they connect with my success story. That does motivate me too! I’m definitely going to check out GymPact! And yes, aren’t we all bad at taking our own advice! LOL

  5. Ashley, 05 June, 2013

    First, you are perfect and amazing just the way you are. It’s certainly not realistic to expect to weight exactly the same thing every day, and it’s perfectly human to want to take a break from the less-than-exhilarating task of tracking every morsel you eat. (Believe me, I know.)

    That said, STOP. Stop right now and reverse gears, before 13 lbs becomes 15 lbs becomes 20 becomes CRAP you’ve gained back half of what you fought so hard to lose. Because you know that if you continue down this road, that will be the result. YOU chose the goal weight you did, and you KNOW you have the ability to get back there–because you’ve already done it!

    Do not resign yourself to the lie that just because you “have” to attend events where alcohol is served, that you “have” to consume alcohol. Club soda with lime, Diet Coke–there are several calorie-free options to enjoy. The buzz of alcohol lasts a couple hours; the effects on your waistline last much longer.

    To quote YOU: “I’m not perfect, I’m persistent. You’re going to fall off the wagon. I certainly did. But Weight Watchers just teaches you to get back up and keep trying if you slip up.” Follow your own advice, girl :) You can do it!!
    Ashley recently posted..Taking A PollMy Profile

  6. Heather, 06 June, 2013

    I have been in this exact same position for a year! I was at goal or at leat near goal for 4 years and then in the past year, becoming single, new job, dating, etc. etc. I managed to put 40 lbs. on and, determined to get it off I though I could jump start the process by mixing it up (packaged meals, Paleo, LOTS of exercise). My problem is that I don’t know when to say when with food. That’s where the points tracking helps. I am still struggling with tracking daily and I don’t know why since it only takes a couple of minutes, but I’m still a work in progress! I have also changed up my exercise routine. I used to LOVE running, but then my motivating came to a hault…So I decided to join a community bootcamp, incorporate swimming, hiking, etc. to keep it interesting. We’ll see if that works! I’m on my own here with this and dating as a single woman does not make it easier, but I am also trying to stay positive. If I even had $1.00 for every “plan” I have tried in the last year…I’d probably be able to pay off my maxed out credit card!

    I do know that I have a lot of subconscience stress, both good and bad, that has put my body in that fight or flight mode which has made it difficult because my body is releasing an increased amount of cortisol…not fun when I am working so freaking hard and gaining weight! So, with that, I am incorporating meditation, weekly baths and journaling to release the stress.

    I am not sure if all of this will work, but I’m willing to try anything once. Following your blog definitely helps in knowing that I’m not totally alone and not the only one dumb-founded at the results of hard work.

  7. DivaonaDiet, 06 June, 2013

    Absolutely, life changes can derail efforts! When I was losing the weight I wasn’t dating at all really, so being single helped. Now that I am dating, it’s so much easier to be “out of control” with your food choices and your free time! It sounds like you have a good plan for yourself! I think I am stressed out too and I need to take time to relax in a healthy way… not a bottle of wine and chocolate! It is comforting to know others struggle, but I am determined to not get back to where I used to be! Hopefully it will help you too! Good luck with your journey!

  8. DivaonaDiet, 06 June, 2013

    Thanks, Ashley! It’s always hard to follow your own advice, right?! I absolutely will never completely give up this battle! My getting up and trying even when I am only halfway doing it is probably what has kept me from gaining all of it back. I completely gave up back then, and I have yet to completely give up more than a few days. I do know I can do this, and I have to accept that it is always going to be something I have to deal with! Thanks for stopping by and giving me some motivation!!!

  9. Maria, 10 June, 2013

    Hello! I am new to your blog but not to the crazy business of losing weight! I have been on and off of Weight Watcher’s for years! Last summer I finally hit goal!! I kept my weight within a couple of pounds of goal until this past week. I came home from a dream trip to Hawaii 7 lbs heavier!! I guess I shouldn’t be very surprised considering the amount of eating and drinking I did! Thank God I worked out everyday while I was away or the number could’ve been much higher. I am not going to lie , as soon as I got home I ran back to Quick Weight Loss center( a diet program I used before) to quickly drop the weight. After a few days and after dropping a couple of hundred dollars there I came to my senses! A quick ,fad diet is not what I need in my life( been there ,done that). WW is a way of life. That is the only long term program that makes sense for me! It allows me to enjoy dinner’s out and a glass or two of wine with my husband on the weekend. My husband travels during the week so I try to follow the program very closely during the week but also allows me the freedom to be a little lax on the weekends.
    My son is a personal trainer and he swears by weight training. He has me lifting weights 3 days a week and 3 days of interval cardio .
    I completely understand your frustration!! My advice to you is , go back to tracking EVERYTHING and incorporate some weight training into your fitness routine. The weight will come back off. You proved that already! Your weight loss journey is an inspiration to all of us. Don’t give up now!
    Good luck!!

  10. DivaonaDiet, 11 June, 2013

    Thank you for the feedback! Congrats on reaching goal! I just need to get back in a zone… into a routine, which just doesn’t seem to be happening! I may have moments of weakness more often than not right now, but I keep trying! I definitely will NOT give up!

  11. Joanna, 11 June, 2013

    I just read your blog for the first time and I hear you loud and clear! I did WW 5 years ago and maintained my goal weight for 3 years and am now up 20 lbs and just started WW again this week. I think tracking everything is tedious after a while, but if you are like me and want to socialize and have alcohol and not gain weight, tracking is the only way! Do not gain 20 lbs like I did. I saw a post on Pinterest one day that has helped me- it is hard being fat. It is hard being fit. It is hard being skinny. Pick your hard! You can do it!

  12. DivaonaDiet, 11 June, 2013

    Tracking has gotten tedious for me! I’m kind of geeky and like that stuff, but I also have a tendency to lose interest in things too! And the weekends are becoming more and more difficult for me to care about estimating! In my mind I’m thinking, well, I don’t have a clue really what my portion sizes are or how anything was cooked, so I could be completely off anyway! And well, like I said, I’m just sick of tracking! Yet, if you ask me what one of the keys to my success was, I’d say it was tracking every single day, even when I was bad! But I guess I was sort of hoping that I only needed that mentality while I was in the weight loss phase, and not so much the maintenance phase. And maybe I won’t in the long run, but I’ve got to figure out how to actually maintain well first! And I guess that means I need to suck it up and track! Thanks for for the motivation! And good luck with being back on WW!

  13. Julie, 11 June, 2013

    I have waxed and waned my entire 54 years. I have tried them all, having most success with WW. Recently I tried Dukan Diet. In doing so carbs were prohibited as was alcohol. 25 days later I was 12 pounds down and I have put it all back on plus some after my recent vacation. My point is WW is the ONLY diet with no restrictions. I get lazy when I get fat too! So, after rejoining WW online this week I’m making a deal with myself to do it again! Please don’t tease yourself into a different diet, just add Jilian’s work out onto your daily tracking!!! Best of luck. You can DO It!

  14. Jeanne, 11 June, 2013

    I’m new to your blog since I joined WW. While I agree with everyone’s comments, I do feel that maybe you do need to find a “maintainable goal weight”. As you said, you were single and sticking to the plan in an effort to reach a goal weight. I’m not sure how tall you are, but you look fantastic in the 5k pictures. The pressure of staying 125lbs can work agains you. Maybe maintain the weight you are right now and exercise, exercise, exercise! It makes all the difference mentally and physically. Tell yourself at least 30 minutes everyday.

  15. DivaonaDiet, 11 June, 2013

    You’re right, I just can’t take a diet that is overly restrictive! I never would have made it if WW was! I am just so sick of tracking, but I think I am just going to have to accept it! Getting back in that workout routine is key too! Thanks for stopping by and the added motivation! And welcome back to WW! Good luck!

  16. DivaonaDiet, 11 June, 2013

    Thanks for your honesty! I was doing pretty well for quite a while hovering between 127-130, but lately it’s moved up to over 130 and now almost up to 140… that’s when I know I am in more dangerous territory! I’m 5’4″ and the top of my healthy weight range is around 145, so I feel like I am getting close. And than you for for the compliments on my race pics! Its more that I can really just tell the difference when I am OUT of my clothes or in a bathing suit! Not where I wanted to be in the middle of summer! And really that’s it! I am soooo out of the exercise habit! It IS all about it! Thanks for stopping by and adding to my motivation arsenal! Best to you!

  17. Sarah, 12 June, 2013

    You have done amazingly well with your total weight loss so far, and I think sometimes we do need to reassess our goals, as you say your lifestyle is not the same as the next person. At the end of the day you need to be happy, and if you are happy with where you are then congrats you are at goal. Maybe upping the exercise will help shift a few pounds too.
    Good luck :)
    Sarah recently posted..What I Ate Wednesday #7My Profile

  18. DivaonaDiet, 12 June, 2013

    Thanks, Sarah! I think it is really about figuring out what I can really maintain without sacrificing my health or my sanity! I don’t seem to be very patient these days either, so I want it all figured out NOW, but I think it may take me a while to figure this out. I DEF need to up the exercise again, if I can just get back into that routine too!

  19. june hunter, 17 June, 2013

    I am new to your blog and have been on WW for a year and lost 20+ lbs – Like so many here, I too find myself slowly inching up which in my case, can be discouraging, frustrating, and kind-of scary. Your posts on this blog are very encouraging it helps to know others like myself are struggling with the same issues, i.e., tracking ( or lack thereof) being consistent with exercise, etc. I appreciate and look forward to sharing, learning, supporting, and losing…thank you!
    DD – you look amazing and are courageous for sharing your stories, you’ve got this girl!
    June H

  20. DivaonaDiet, 18 June, 2013

    It is true that we all struggle! It really is a pipe dream that we think we finally lose the weight and it’s all easy, right?!? But it was much harder when I had so much to lose, and I have to keep that in perspective. I’m so glad you found me and wish you the best on your journey too!

  21. Ulli, 19 June, 2013

    Have you read anything about Metabolic Damage? I just posted a few links about that. No idea what your day to day diet looks like, but have a look. Maybe it applies to you :)
    Ulli recently posted..Well! Here we are! Day 11!My Profile

  22. Ulli, 19 June, 2013

    Wait, I guess I can link the post, who knew!
    Ulli recently posted..Metabolic Damage – Say what?My Profile

  23. DivaonaDiet, 19 June, 2013

    Yep, I was reading The Fast Metabolism Diet that I got in some box I ordered. It totally makes sense, but the diet she had laid out was too strict for me. I need like an entire weekend of cheat days! And alcohol was off limits for 28 days…. yeah, soooo not happening for me! But if this doesn’t budge, I may have to suck it up to reset it! Thanks for the info! And thanks for stopping by!

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