An Emotional Meltdown, Feeling Unpretty & Another New Years Resolution

I know, it’s supposed to be Featured Fit Friends Friday, right? Well, I decided to do that every other week(ish), because if you know me, I can’t keep a regular schedule! I am perfecting being “unperfect.” If there is a theme at all in my posts, it’s that I’m not perfect, and I still have¬†successes. So why go and change that now? ūüėȬ†And today, I just feel like spewing a bunch of random stuff!

So yesterday, I had a minor emotional breakdown. I can’t even tell you why really. It is that TOM, but it’s almost over. You would think the hormones would have calmed down by now! But I have had a bunch of silly stupid thoughts in my head lately about all sorts of issues in my life, I guess. And I have been busting ass trying to get in activity every day to of course over-achieve on my ActiveLink goal (because I am crazy and still try to be perfect!), and I sort of lost it!

I left work yesterday thinking it was going to be this beautiful day out, and I would finally have no excuse not to run outside. (And yes, I am totally fine with that double negative there.) But when I walked out the door, it was gloomy, rain was looming on the horizon, and it wasn’t as warm as it was supposed to be. By the time I got home and saw that I wasn’t even close to being at even my baseline on my ActiveLink, I started crying, and literally said out loud, “I’m not happy! I just want to be happy!” and didn’t feel like doing anything anymore. But I knew deep down that doing something would actually make me feel better in the end. It was just the getting there that was¬†is always¬†a struggle.

I literally went back and forth for about 20 minutes about whether to make myself run outside anyway (because I have run in colder weather before and survived), or just doing the treadmill (because it wasn’t that bad yesterday), or doing a Zumba DVD! Does anyone else engage in this lunacy? Compounding my decision were my weird thoughts that sometimes keeps me from running outside… because my running clothes aren’t cute, and I don’t have the right running clothes anyway, and I don’t have makeup on, and I have all these zits and wrinkles, and I run slow, and my hair always looks crazy, and I get beet red, and I think people are going to look at me with my Sparkly Soul headband on and think, “Who does she think she is with all that glitter on?” I was feeling so “unpretty.” …cue the TLC song.

That made me choose the dreadmill, even though I knew I would struggle to get through it and be slower than if I went outside. And then all of the sudden, I guess I got mad at myself and said, “Who the hell cares what you look like when you run?”… “Why do you think you are so important to them?”… “You can run around covered in glitter if you wanted to!”… “It may be colder than you like, but you know you will be happier to finish a 5K outside, than 2 mi on the dreadmill!”… “Just effing go outside and run!!!”

And so I did. I even had to take my shoes back off to change from shorts to pants, but I did it. And just like they say, I didn’t regret it. I felt so much better when I was done. And you know what? I did see some people along the way. And yes, some of them even looked at me funny, but why do I care? I am a strong woman who deserves to sparkle even when I am sweaty and bright red!

And then I did my plank! After professing that I accomplished a New Years Resolution Wednesday¬†by going to that dance class, I totally forgot that I have actually been sticking to yet another one! I’ve been doing a Plank A Day! Ok, not since the first of the year, but I’ve been doing #plankaday¬†(and forgetting to¬†tweet it!) for over a week now! Yay, me!

So how do I feel today? Pretty damn good. I literally “worked out” my emotions. I didn’t drown my sorrows in food or wine. Huh. Yep, I have changed. Still not perfect because emotional eating and drinking does still happen, but I’ve definitely changed how often. Oh, and I changed a little more today. I don’t like to post pictures of myself without make up on… without looking my best, but I need to get over that, so I intagramed this today. Here I am in all my “unperfect, plankaday, I just ran in my sparkly headband and you can suck it if you don’t like it” glory! Sparkle on, sisters (and brothers) of the struggling sweathood!
#PlankADay and Sparkly Soul Run via Instagram

  1. Jodi, 22 February, 2013

    I have had a similar conversation with myself more times than I can count. Mine usually goes something like “run outside or sit on the couch?” “if you run outside people see you” “it’s still better than sitting on the couch”… Then while outside “oh, god… is that guy staring? He probably thinks I’m about to have a stroke because I’m so red… he probably thinks I’m too fat to run. He’s probably right… No, no, he’s not!!!” … Anyway, what I’m saying is you’re not alone!
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