Just as soon as it was found, it was lost again. My motivation, that is.
I had a seriously killer motivated week last week, and then proceeded to eat my feelings and sit on my butt to gain all the weight plus some back this week.
I love how the Weight Watchers Tracker says, “you gained a bit.” A bit? 4.1 lbs is quite a lot to gain in one freaking week! Especially since I don’t think I’ll be losing that same amount in one week. It should say, “you gained a lot this week, what the hell happened!?!”
It seems that I continue to waiver between being super motivated one week and then semi-motivated and then not motivated at all. This was one of such weeks.
Saturday night I was already over by 108 points and had no intention of eating well, so I just quit tracking my food. I wouldn’t doubt it if I was something like 300 points over for the week! Because I continued to eat and drink boatloads without counting or measuring a thing. Most of what I ate included absurd amounts of cheese, butter, wine, crackers, chips, dips, desserts, and spoonfuls of almond butter. I know, almond butter is good for you. I even made a yummy recipe with it. But it’s not good for you when you eat the whole jar. And yeah, even those chips and dips were reduced fat, but when you eat the entire container, it doesn’t really matter anymore!
Not even my shiny new ActiveLink could get me off my butt either. I did no planned activity whatsoever. I managed to get 5 AP’s doing house work and running errands, but nowhere near close to what my challenge goal was. I guess that’s what I get for being very diligent about my activity during evaluation week. I should have sat around so my goal was really low! LOL
I so wish I was like these other inspiring people, like those that I feature on my blog, who lose weight and fall in love with being fit and active. Here’s the ugly truth, people. I still don’t love it. I have to force myself to do it, and yeah, I’m happy that I’ve done it, but I still don’t love it. I haven’t run in 8 days, and I have no desire to. I think I am just so sick of forcing myself. And as I have mentioned many times recently, I am just sick of having to think about it all the time.
Not only did I slack on tracking and activity, I totally didn’t do the 5 by the 5th Virtual Run Series this month. I’ve already slacked off on the 28 Day Blog Challenge that just started on the 1st of February. I totally fell off the “sober weekday train” with my twitter buds. And I still haven’t officially set any resolutions (the prior items being some that were on my list) because I just can’t seem to commit to anything. Why set myself up for failure?
What I haven’t mentioned is that I’ve also been going through some personal stuff this week. Actually for a while now, but this week was tough. And I know that is a large cause of this craze binge I just went on.
The good news. There’s no more almond butter in the house. Or wine, for that matter.
The bad news. I can easily buy more wine and almond butter. And I still don’t feel like eating healthy, or measuring, or counting. I still don’t feel like working out. So I’m not 100% confident this crazy bingefest is over.
Now, I know in reality, that this is not the end of the world. I am still in a healthy weight range. But the loss of motivation as often as I am finding it these days worries me. And this week is going to be tough. I am still dealing with the personal crap. And I have dinner plans out Thursday and Friday and a housewarming party on Saturday. On a week where I feel like it would be best to know exactly what I am putting in my mouth, I will be estimating the crap out of what I am eating and hoping for the best. But maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe having a week where I am not totally in control of my food but still track, yet lose weight (fingers crossed), will be good for me.
But beyond the food thing, dinner out after work = no time to work out. Why, you ask? 1) I know I won’t wake up early this week to do it with still not being motivated, and well, I can barely get out of bed before 10am ever without hating life, 2) My hair and makeup is high maintenance. Getting ready in the morning takes at least an hour, and I don’t have that kind of time to do it twice in one day, and 3) my activity of choice is running outside, but I hate cold weather and don’t want to be out there by myself in the dark, so my window of opportunity is small in Winter. Needless to say, this week is going to be hard for a girl who can’t even get motivated by the things that should be motivating her.
I know, you are all going to say, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Nobody’s perfect”. Absolutely. I say it all the time. But I ate like a freaking idiot every day this week. I fully deserve that 4.1 lbs. I am ashamed of my behavior. And even more frightened that I am still not in the mindset to get back on track.
But I know there are some things that I won’t do. I won’t up and cancel my Weight Watchers Online membership and quit all together. I won’t order a whole pizza and eat it by myself. (At least not tonight!)
I’ll keep trying to weigh and measure what I eat and track it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be mad enough at myself to eventually get out there and run again. I’ll keep trying. I just won’t do it perfectly.
Weight: 130.3 lbs
Change this week: +4.1 lbs
Total lost: -70.8 lbs
You can also check out my entire weight log here ;)
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