Weekly Weigh In: I’m A Little Ashamed

Alexis {Diva on a Diet}'s official weigh in February 6, 2013Just as soon as it was found, it was lost again. My motivation, that is.

I had a seriously killer motivated week last week, and then proceeded to eat my feelings and sit on my butt to gain all the weight plus some back this week.

I love how the Weight Watchers Tracker says, “you gained a bit.” A bit? 4.1 lbs is quite a lot to gain in one freaking week! Especially since I don’t think I’ll be losing that same amount in one week. It should say, “you gained a lot this week, what the hell happened!?!”

It seems that I continue to waiver between being super motivated one week and then semi-motivated and then not motivated at all. This was one of such weeks.

Saturday night I was already over by 108 points and had no intention of eating well, so I just quit tracking my food. I wouldn’t doubt it if I was something like 300 points over for the week! Because I continued to eat and drink boatloads without counting or measuring a thing. Most of what I ate included absurd amounts of cheese, butter, wine, crackers, chips, dips, desserts, and spoonfuls of almond butter. I know, almond butter is good for you. I even made a yummy recipe with it. But it’s not good for you when you eat the whole jar. And yeah, even those chips and dips were reduced fat, but when you eat the entire container, it doesn’t really matter anymore!

Not even my shiny new ActiveLink could get me off my butt either. I did no planned activity whatsoever. I managed to get 5 AP’s doing house work and running errands, but nowhere near close to what my challenge goal was. I guess that’s what I get for being very diligent about my activity during evaluation week. I should have sat around so my goal was really low! LOL

I so wish I was like these other inspiring people, like those that I feature on my blog, who lose weight and fall in love with being fit and active. Here’s the ugly truth, people. I still don’t love it. I have to force myself to do it, and yeah, I’m happy that I’ve done it, but I still don’t love it. I haven’t run in 8 days, and I have no desire to. I think I am just so sick of forcing myself. And as I have mentioned many times recently, I am just sick of having to think about it all the time.

Not only did I slack on tracking and activity, I totally didn’t do the 5 by the 5th Virtual Run Series this month. I’ve already slacked off on the 28 Day Blog Challenge that just started on the 1st of February. I totally fell off the “sober weekday train” with my twitter buds. And I still haven’t officially set any resolutions (the prior items being some that were on my list) because I just can’t seem to commit to anything. Why set myself up for failure?

What I haven’t mentioned is that I’ve also been going through some personal stuff this week. Actually for a while now, but this week was tough. And I know that is a large cause of this craze binge I just went on.

The good news. There’s no more almond butter in the house. ;) Or wine, for that matter.

The bad news. I can easily buy more wine and almond butter. And I still don’t feel like eating healthy, or measuring, or counting. I still don’t feel like working out. So I’m not 100% confident this crazy bingefest is over.

Now, I know in reality, that this is not the end of the world. I am still in a healthy weight range. But the loss of motivation as often as I am finding it these days worries me. And this week is going to be tough. I am still dealing with the personal crap. And I have dinner plans out Thursday and Friday and a housewarming party on Saturday. On a week where I feel like it would be best to know exactly what I am putting in my mouth, I will be estimating the crap out of what I am eating and hoping for the best. But maybe that’s a good thing? Maybe having a week where I am not totally in control of my food but still track, yet lose weight (fingers crossed), will be good for me.

But beyond the food thing, dinner out after work = no time to work out. Why, you ask? 1) I know I won’t wake up early this week to do it with still not being motivated, and well, I can barely get out of bed before 10am ever without hating life, 2) My hair and makeup is high maintenance. Getting ready in the morning takes at least an hour, and I don’t have that kind of time to do it twice in one day, and 3) my activity of choice is running outside, but I hate cold weather and don’t want to be out there by myself in the dark, so my window of opportunity is small in Winter. Needless to say, this week is going to be hard for a girl who can’t even get motivated by the things that should be motivating her.

I know, you are all going to say, “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Nobody’s perfect”. Absolutely. I say it all the time. But I ate like a freaking idiot every day this week. I fully deserve that 4.1 lbs. I am ashamed of my behavior. And even more frightened that I am still not in the mindset to get back on track.

But I know there are some things that I won’t do. I won’t up and cancel my Weight Watchers Online membership and quit all together. I won’t order a whole pizza and eat it by myself. (At least not tonight!)

I’ll keep trying to weigh and measure what I eat and track it. I’m pretty sure I’ll be mad enough at myself to eventually get out there and run again. I’ll keep trying. I just won’t do it perfectly. ;)

Weight: 130.3 lbs
Change this week: +4.1 lbs
Total lost: -70.8 lbs
You can also check out my entire weight log here ;)

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15 Responses to Weekly Weigh In: I’m A Little Ashamed

  1. Mae says:

    This is me standing up and applauding. GIRL this post is basically what my October-January was! And still is, really. I’ve been “good” for about five days but tonight I was fighting myself HARD to not throw in the towel and order an abundance of sushi delivery. Sometimes I really hate this life and resent that I have to be mindful of shit! haha!

    • DivaonaDiet says:

      Thanks, girl! It IS still hard to wrap my mind around the fact that this is a forever thing… a lifetime effing battle! Maybe we could our tastebuds removed or something?!?! Great job on getting 5 days in of being good! I mean some days good is better then an entire lifetime of not being good, right?!? Luckily, I ended up doing good yesterday… so maybe I can get in 5 days now too. As long as we can bitch and moan together, maybe we’ll make it!!!! :)

  2. Karla says:

    Girl. You need to take care of you and personal stuff. An off week or a few is not the end of the road! We all get un-motivated from time to time. I find that just keeping pushing through and trying to workout a few times here and there and eventually it will get easier or the drive will come back. Every day is a NEW day. Just try to not dwell on the past and look to the future! Maybe just try to set some goals instead of resolutions. Make the achievable and maybe for a month at a time – not the whole year. You have come SO far girl! Keep it up.
    Karla recently posted..Sunday ScriptureMy Profile

    • DivaonaDiet says:

      Thanks so much, Karla. I’m definitely putting this past week behind me. I haven’t set new years resolutions in years, so I am not sure why I thought I had to start now! I have a list of things that I am going to “try” to do, and I will just leave it at that!

  3. marisol says:

    It happens. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t dwell on it or carry it with you.
    marisol recently posted..Weekly Weigh InMy Profile

  4. We all have those moments… can’t be on top of everything all the time! No worries on 5 by the 5th, pick it up again next month! And I’m new to your blog, so 70 pounds lost overall is seriously impressive!! Try not to dwell on one bad week.
    Laura @ Mommy Run Fast recently posted..February 5 by the 5th Winners and Link upMy Profile

    • DivaonaDiet says:

      Thanks, Laura! Usually these little challenges inspire me, but this was just not my week. I’m glad that 5 by the 5th is ongoing so I have the chance to do it again next month! And yes, thanks. Sometimes I forget that 70 lbs lost is nothing to be disappointed about! :)

  5. As much as I love being active, sometimes I, too, still have to force myself to get up and moving. And sometimes I skip it altogether. It happens to all of us!

    All you can do is take it one day, even one meal, at a time :)
    Jill (Lady Lazarus) recently posted..homemade pizza hot pocketMy Profile

    • DivaonaDiet says:

      Whew! And here I thought you were jumping out of bed every single morning thinking I can’t WAIT to work out! And then you know what I ended up doing this morning… I made myself get up early to get a little jog in. Sometimes it helps me to bitch that I don’t want to do it because then I ended up doing it… like I am proving myself wrong! Whatever works, right!?!?! Thanks so much for stopping by for the support! :)

  6. Censie says:

    I am like you. When I mess up I go big and just keep adding up those points. Something I really need to work on too. Thank you for linking up again!! Also – I have my shinny new active link on now too…I am still in the activation phase so I have no idea how I am doing.
    How do you like yours?
    Censie recently posted..Wednesday on the WW {link up}: Week 1My Profile

    • DivaonaDiet says:

      It’s tough sometimes, isn’t it! I’m all or nothing a lot! And the ActiveLink — Yes, it sucks during the evaluation phase not knowing how you are doing! I just happened to have a kick-butt week during my evaluation, and it ended up putting me at a goal of getting over 5 AP’s per day. And well, as you see in this post, I didn’t even get close to that! Luckily, you can change your challenge goal, so I moved it down today. All that being said, I’ve only had it for 2 weeks, so I am still seeing if I like it! I’ve had lots of good feedback from twitter folks who love it though. I was actually on track again yesterday and so far today, and I can say that it has actually motivated me to move more while at work and to get on the treadmill last night to get some AP’s when I didn’t feel like it! (I try to use fitbolt at work also to give me exercises to do throughout the day! Although I end up missing a lot of the reminders, I think it helps!) I’d have to say though, that the biggest reason I wanted the ActiveLink was to easily transfer what I am doing into AP’s with out having to estimate anything, so I definitely like that part of it!

  7. Biz says:

    I hear you sister – if it was easy, everyone would be able to eat healthy 100% of the time. This post was me last week – since having to put our dog down, we buried our grief in alcohol and deep dish pizza. But every day you and I both have a chance to make it better. Here’s to both of us having a better week!
    Biz recently posted..125 Calorie Pork and Shrimp Egg RollsMy Profile

    • DivaonaDiet says:

      So sorry to hear about the loss of your dog! :( I would be the same way! The week following this post did not go so hot for me either! But I love what you said… every day we have a chance to make it better! And as of yesterday, I am back on track! :)

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