Yep. I’ve been gone. I’ve been gone for a whole month! No posts, no tweeting, no checking in on foursquare, in fact, I just plain checked out! I think I needed a break. I needed a break from constantly thinking about my weight, what I was eating, exactly how much I was eating, how much running I was doing, how fast I was going, and when I was going to blog or tweet about it. It was like it was my obsession. I thought about nothing else. Back a month ago, I was 2.2 lbs from my goal, and suddenly, I was over it!
In this last month, I’ve been a slacker. I haven’t tracked a thing in the Weight Watchers tracker except my weight. Some weeks I started out saying I would, and then a day into it I would stop. I’ve pigged out on things I used to eat back in the day, like absurd amounts of pasta and real butter. I’ve given into temptation more times than I would like to admit. I guess I just wanted to see what would happen if I didn’t obsess, if I didn’t track every morsel, if I messed up a lot, if I wasn’t accountable to anybody about it, if I didn’t tweet about it or blog about it, and just lived my life.
Not to mention, I think I’ve been a little down the last few weeks. I was having issues with this guy I was seeing that I really liked, who was really actually a jerk, and I deserve better, but of course, I still want him. I haven’t dated in so many years, I think I take everything so personally. My inner fat girl bad self esteem still has a hold on me. I finally broke that off two weeks ago, but there’s nothing like a break-up to send you head first into a pint of ice cream and a bottle of wine! I’ve managed to start dating someone else already, but boy, can I angst about every aspect of a relationship! And I know this is stupid, but I entered the Weight Watchers Success Story Contest and didn’t even get in the top 100, and I applied to be a fitfluential ambassador and I haven’t heard anything, so I guess I am just down on myself about that too. As if not blogging or tweeting was going to help my case for being fitfluential (dumb!), but oh well. I think I needed a break, and it’s more important to take care of me. I was just starting to feel like the success I had wasn’t good enough. Again with the fat girl bad self esteem! But damn it, I am successful, and healthy, and beautiful, and worth it! And I don’t need any man or any contest or any ambassador program to prove that!
So anyway, with all this not tracking, and trying to figure out what to do now that I am pretty much where I need to be weight-wise, I decided that maybe I would never get to that 125 lbs goal, and that my goal should just be to stay in between 125 and 130. Then last week I was up to 132.7 lbs. In which case, I should have buckled down and tracked everything and worked out extra hard this week. But I didn’t. I did for one day, and then I crashed and burned. I only started to get it more under control on Monday, and somehow I was back down 5.8 lbs, which is 1.1 lbs from my goal. What?!?!
There are probably a few things going on here: 1) I really don’t eat as much as I used to, even if it is not the best food choice (i.e. no veggies, just pasta and butter!), 2) I am not giving myself enough credit for the meals that I do eat well and the times I do go running, 3) last week was that time of the month, so I could have easily gained and lost 3 lbs of water weight, and 4) I have lost so much weight that my thyroid medication is probably too high, and while that is amazing for keeping weight off, it’s not good for my heart, so I’m getting that checked at my annual physical in two weeks. Either all that, or my scale is broken!
So, what am I doing now, you ask? Well, I decided that I am going to try my hardest to do well for the next few weeks. (I mean hello, I have my annual physical coming up, I should not be gorging!) I’m going to keep trying to get some running in, but not get down on myself if I don’t do it every day. I have to admit that while I didn’t run a lot while I was slacking off, I was still running more miles at a time and faster than normal most days. Anyway, I’m going to TRY. That’s all I really ever ask of myself, is to just keep trying. And maybe I will miraculously hit that goal. I just don’t want to be obsessive about it. And I want to have a life and have fun!
To that end, I am not sure how much I will blog, or tweet, or check in. I’m trying to decide if that is really a good use of my free time, and if I really do enjoy it. Or if I really do have time for it! I don’t know. I go through phases, so maybe this is a phase. But I have to say, that I already feel a better having confessed my slackerdom!
Weight: 126.9 lbs
Change this week: -5.8 lbs
Total lost: -74.2 lbs
You can also check out my weight loss progress log
And if you’re wondering, it’s not actually week 44 on Weight Watchers, it’s just week 44 of giving weekly updates since re-committing myself to the program.